Christmas is nearly upon us, so it's time to look for those geeky stocking-fillers. If you have Size 200 feet.
I thought I'd take you through some of the things I would love to get for Christmas.
So, from the sublime to the ridiculous, here they are; my top 10.
10 - Marmite Chocolate
You'll either love this or hate it
No this isn't a typo - Marmite flavour chocolate! I do like Marmite and I do like chocolate so technically I should like this twice as much! I wouldn't mind giving it a whirl, but I do have some reservations...
Available from A Bar of Chocolate for £2.99
9 - USB Mini Vacuum Cleaner
This isn't a crummy gift at all
I like toast, and so do you! It's a shame about the mess it makes though. Now you no longer have that worry, this tiny vacuum cleaner will whip those crumbs up from your desk and face faster than you can say "I'm covered in crumbs, please help!" It even gets between your keyboard keys. Amazing.
You'll find it at Firebox for £6.99
8 - Gamepad Chopping Board
Slice those Goombas for real
We all love retro, particularly Mario! Now you can impress all your friends by cutting up your Christmas veg on this attractive NES gamepad chopping board. Oooh just look at that cucumber!
You can purchase this from Firebox for £14.99
7 - Star Trek Pizza Cutter
Number 1! I'm getting rather peckish, pop a pizza in the oven will you?
This pizza cutter is super sharp as it was created with the precision of Data's robot mind. Okay, that isn't true but when you've had enough of chopping things on your Gamepad Chopping Board you can relax with a pizza cut into slices of your size preference. Jean-Luc Picard probably owns 1000's of these.
This comes from Amazon at £24.99. Make it so.
6 - Razorpit (Razor Blade Sharpener)
Stop cutting your beard with scissors
A tech beard can be quite a task to get rid of. All that sitting down in front of a computer strengthens your chin hair to a state where it can only be compared with a wire brush. We men know that after a few uses our razors get blunt and start dragging. Ouch! Instead of buying expensive new razor heads why not bring your old ones back to life with the Razorpit. It practically pays for itself.
Check it out at Play.com for £14.49. Smooth!
5 - 24 Cans of Duff Beer
Duff-man! Oooooh yeeeeaaaaah!
The beer you've known for years and have never tasted is finally available for you to enjoy in the comfort of your own home. Homer loves these so you probably will too, please do not hold us responsible if you get fat, lose your hair and turn yellow though.
Available from Firebox at £24.99. D'oh!
4 - Professional Fit Fur Life Treadmill
Want to stop? Just hit paws!
If you are a true geek you might not like to go outside but you will love animals. You might even like to dress up as them. Now you can have a dog and give it the exercise it needs from the comfort of your own basement. A bit pricey but you DO love your dog don't you?
Get it from Coolest-Gadgets for £2,535.00
3 - Ariel Atom
Perfect for a mouth full of bugs
Maybe we're getting a little crazy now? Nah, who'd turn one of these down?! As seen on Top Gear damaging Jeremy Clarkson's face this baby can be yours for a small fortune. This car's power to weight ratio tops that of a Porsche 911. Does that Nova want to race you from the traffic lights? Show them what you've got!
From Firebox again costing £30,000.00
2 - Replica Batmobile
It's expensive but they aren't Robin you.
Sadly you have to import this one, but you can be happy with the fact that it's very unlikely that you'll ever bump into somebody with the same car. This is a road legal, fully working, drivable Batmobile with (nearly) all the trimmings. We're not sure who will insure you but if you can afford this car I doubt insurance premiums will be a worry to you.
Built just for you at Fiberglass Freaks for around £100,000
1 - Utopia
Reap the rewards for selling all your Second Life property
For the top spot I thought we'd move away from cars, if you've bought everything off this list you already have 2, so we'll go for something a little different. How about your own movable island? Sadly this isn't quite ready yet, so this Christmas ask for money instead of gifts and put it in a high interest ISA ready for when this arrives on the market. Complete with 11 decks, helipad, pools and everything else you'd need for a life of luxury this is the ultimate purchase.
Another one from Firebox, Price TBA but we estimate £200,000,000. Bargain.
I hope you've found this guide useful and not too irreverent. Have a fantastic Christmas!